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I think we should pair Grimm with Sentry during the "fireman's dinner". That way she can Grimm slap anything she (or Sentry) feels is inappropriate while Sentry innocently stands there and grins.
 

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There is a place in Hell for me...the THRONE.
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I think we should pair Grimm with Sentry during the "fireman's dinner". That way she can Grimm slap anything she (or Sentry) feels is inappropriate while Sentry innocently stands there and grins.
You mean slap Sentry or the Fireman's foul mouthed family?

 

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Discussion Starter · #83 ·
Not to be a downer but 'Frequent use of alcohol and foul language' may not be in their future home as far as she will be aware but if this boy really wants to do something she will not approve of he'll do it any way but not when she is around.
I am confident that if he used foul language and consumed alcohol, other than the occasional beer, she would have already sent him packing. My daughter has the same inordinately low tolerance for those habits as her mother does. She also has the same exceedingly high standards, standards that are generally inflexible. My family does not conform to the norms of the world and any man that would engage in those behaviors when her back is turned would never pass muster. We live as upright as we can, and we believe deeply in love and respect. As an example, I will not even meet with my female secretary with my office door closed as I promised my wife to never be alone with another woman. My wife will ask me for my approval before she will go out to lunch with a male co-worker/supervisor and even then she will drive separate from him unless they are going as a group. My daughter's expectation of marriage comes from our example, which I believe is why she spends every Sunday from morning 'til night (with her fiance) at our house. I know they have had many conversations about what she expects from a marriage before even getting engaged.

And yes, they have already started pastoral counseling. The pastor that is marrying them was my daughter's children's pastor and her youth pastor growing up. So he knows her and our family very well. They are also taking a number of Christian tests designed to gauge compatibility, but I am not as trusting of those as they are. In our church if the pastor is not convinced they are right for each and the union will be blessed, they will not marry them.
 

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My advice, for what it's worth, is don't sweat it. Your daughter has made a decision, and from what I understand you and your wife raised her right.

Nothing we can do will prevent our kids from making mistakes, and we can either tell them or they can learn them on their own. The ones they learn on their own tend to stick a little better, even though it's hard on them and you.

Give her (and him) a chance. It's worked well for me with my daughter, and I'm every bit as [email protected] about mine as you are with yours. On the other hand, maybe we can barter services if need be! I'm kidding, of course.
 

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You mean slap Sentry or the Fireman's foul mouthed family?

Sentry???? Never. He probably has handcuffs with him at all times and you might wind up being cuffed to one of the soon-to-be inlaws.

You get to whack the drunkards and potty mouths. If there are any. I'm pretty sure the soon-to-be SIL has already spoken with anyone who needs "the talk".
 

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Let me be a bit more charitable. Maybe this "fireman's dinner" is all they can afford.
 

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Discussion Starter · #87 ·
We considered that too. While I do not consider us to be wealthy, I am also not ignorant to our blessings or the fact that many are not as fortunate. We have a large family and know how much it costs to feed them all. We offered (through the couple to be wed) to host/provide the meal at our home as they live out of town and we don't. We also offered to to just simply not have a rehearsal dinner at all; just meet up for the rehearsal and head our separate ways or even go out to eat with each family paying their own way. Apparently fire fighters are as interconnected as cops and his dad reached out to the local deputy fire chief and got the okay to use the closest fire house meeting & dining room, which is only about 3-4 blocks from our church. I have attended several meetings in that very room and attended more than one lunch there too. The location is less concerning than the food choice and the presence of alcohol beverages. We are low carb eaters and pizza is very high carb. I don't mind if people choose to drink, I mind it being consumed in front of my children [who we raise to be teetotalers]. We also do not allow our children to consume soda until they are teenagers. I am certain my daughter has relayed this info and they will do with it what the will. Worst case scenario we will let the kids have a slice, visit a bit and then usher them out the door. The benefit of having small children is early bed times and a built in departure excuse.
 

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I think marriages last because of common values. Love, honesty, respect, loyalty, similar money management, religion, etc. Anytime someone compromises on a value they hold dear, the relationship will deteriorate. You can't say I'll love you forever; however, I disrespect you when I (fill in the blank). I know you're a Baptist / Catholic / Jew / Methodist; however, I don't believe there is a God. Savers should not be involved with spenders.

These values are the ones we pass on to our children. You lose the right to say "Don't do that" if you, as the parent, do it.

We also want our children to have friends with values similar to our family values. If your child hangs around with friends who smoke or drink or do drugs, soon they may get swept into doing the same things.

IMHO
 

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Discussion Starter · #90 ·
We believe in both setting a high standard, but role modeling that same expectation. That is true in all aspects of life but especially marriage. We also believe that a marriage must be based on selflessness toward the needs of the other. And while it is not very secular (or politically correct), we both believe that the man is the head of the household. This is not a reward but a loving responsibility. While I at times have to make the hard decisions, which may be unpopular with the Mrs. or the family, I also have to put the what is best for my family above what is most popular. I also put the needs of my family before my own. If my wife and I are both sleepy on a Saturday afternoon, I will offer her a nap and take on whatever chores or activities need to be done. The other day my wife found a pair of shoes on sale that she loved but it was not in the budget, so I gave up my spending stipend for the month so she could get the shoes (even if she refused at first). I will not eat dinner before I let anyone else at my table go hungry. That does not mean my wife is not an active decision maker or an authority within our home. It is more like she is my closest and most trusted friend and the person whom I rely on the most in life. I treat her like the queen that she is and in return I expect nothing, but receive an abundance of both respect and adoration. Our daughters have all been raised to accept nothing less than a true man; one who is not selfish and would readily die in her defense.
 

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Do you know if the future SIL come from the same caliber of family values?
 

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Discussion Starter · #92 ·
I know he has a very solid work ethic, is very good with his hands (built a shed for his parents then another for his grandparents), is very good with money, is very respectful of his grandparents (moved in with them when his grandfather became ill to take care of lawn mowing, snow removal, house maintenance, shopping, etc.), is an avid hunter and believes in eating what you kill, is very tolerant of my daughters tendency to be very dominant, believes deeply in Jesus and had enough courage to ask me for her hand when he knew it was going to be an uncomfortable situation. More importantly my daughter is convinced that he is capable of taking over for me. She promised me when she was 10 years (and 100 times since) that I would be the only man she needed in her life until she found the man she would be with forever. She told him not to even ask her for her hand if he was not willing to work all day every day to keep her happy for life. I was not the man I am today when I was 23, but I grew into it through faith, hope, love and experience. I think he has a good solid base to grow from.
 

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He sounds like a nice young man.

You and your wife must be so proud to see the amazing legacy you've created with your children. Well done, Sentry.

How are the wedding plans progressing? Dress, cake, venue.... do you get invited to go with your wife and daughter on any of these quests?
 

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Discussion Starter · #94 ·
My only direct involvement at this point was in regards to venue. My daughter contacted the church office to reserve the facility and was told it would cost $900 + a $500 refundable deposit. That cost includes numerous fees to include building "rent", a sound & video technician, hostess, attendant, set up & custodial fees, etc., etc. This sent her into a matrimonial tizzy as her estimated budget for venue was $500. I called the lead pastor, did what I do and that price dropped to $450. Essentially he waived the cost of the facility itself and the deposit. We are long time active participants in our church (we have no memberships), we were married in that church when our lead pastor had only been there for 3 months, we tithe, we donated an entire multi-media room for the youth center and we serve in several positions. Just sorta felt like some of that should be waived, not that we do what we do in anticipation of special privileges.

Other than that apparently now I am also paying for the wedding ring set, marriage license, boutonnieres, etc., etc. at the firm and loving insistence of Mrs. Sentry18. My future SIL apparently has a nest egg of savings, but my wife wants that to go toward their honeymoon and then stay in savings for their future home. So she and my daughter have begun shopping for wedding bands together. When they are out on these wedding planning adventures I am at home with the rest of my children brainwashing them into believing that eloping and getting married on a beach in Jamaica is the greatest thing any young couple can ever do. My oldest is a little bit more tom-boy than her sisters, the next two oldest girls are pretty princesses and I imagine will both want weddings that rival Princess Kate. The two youngest girls are both ballerinas who will only wear dresses at this age. Imagine what they will want come their wedding day. I might need to get a part time job now.
 

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All that money that could be a down payment on a house or the cost of education.......
 

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Discussion Starter · #96 ·
I have a mutual fund for each child projected to reach between $40-50k when they graduate high school. Not only do we deposit money in them monthly and use our entire income tax returns (rebates, pay outs, bonuses, inheritance, etc.) on them, we also ask every family member and friend to spend 50% of any money they intend to use to buy gifts (birthday, Christmas, etc.) to help fund the accounts. Once they are old enough the money can only be used for education or a house (or both). When my oldest is finished with her education she will still have a nice chunk of money to add to her soon-to-be husbands savings to put a down payment on a house. My wife is not only money smart and prudent in her use of it, she is also gainfully employed and skilled at the market. She is averaging a 13% annual return and has had two banner years in excess of 17%. My account on the other hand averages 8%, but just took an upswing thanks to my stock in the S&W Holding Corp. Thanks Obama!
 

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RockyMountainCanadian
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I have a mutual fund for each child projected to reach between $40-50k when they graduate high school. Not only do we deposit money in them monthly and use our entire income tax returns (rebates, pay outs, bonuses, inheritance, etc.) on them, we also ask every family member and friend to spend 50% of any money they intend to use to buy gifts (birthday, Christmas, etc.) to help fund the accounts. Once they are old enough the money can only be used for education or a house (or both). When my oldest is finished with her education she will still have a nice chunk of money to add to her soon-to-be husbands savings to put a down payment on a house. My wife is not only money smart and prudent in her use of it, she is also gainfully employed and skilled at the market. She is averaging a 13% annual return and has had two banner years in excess of 17%. My account on the other hand averages 8%, but just took an upswing thanks to my stock in the S&W Holding Corp. Thanks Obama!
You are both doing well in the markets, most mutual funds manage to loose money after the fees.
 

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Discussion Starter · #98 ·
I am not the money guy, I just get to see the bottom line. My wife's Dad and her invest together using her brother who is a "wealth manager" so I am guessing some fees are waived. I know my account is set to moderate risk, moderate yield and I get to pick some of the stocks based on a list he prepares for me. Then every month I get a statement that shows my current balance and reinvestment amount (or loss), then an annual statement showing rate of return. Even typing about money makes me sleepy. I do know that my parents average 10-11% through Wells Fargo capital management, so I am not the only way making money.
 

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This is better than one of those ' True Romance ' books I read 50 yr.s ago.

When will it be continued? I meant to say did the wedding happen? It was May right?
 
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