Story: James in Waiparous

Discussion in 'Fiction & Non-Fiction Stories' started by NaeKid, Apr 4, 2011.

  1. NaeKid

    NaeKid YourAdministrator, eh?

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    I have recently completed my first story of the journey of a single guy from being a normal guy doing normal guy things to being a normal guy going through hell and how he deals with it all.

    Warning: There are some subjects touched-on in the story that may cause some people to quit reading in anger and want to delete it - keep reading cause it might just get better and it might just get worse as well! My test-readers have responded that it is good even though they had troubles with certain chapters ...

    Without further introductions ...
     

    Attached Files:

  2. Tirediron

    Tirediron RockyMountainCanadian

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    Good story, it is nice to see a few boundries pushed, And of course , i could relate to the location very well, keep it up.:congrat:
     

  3. Donald

    Donald Member

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    about Waipairous

    It started out as a good read for a prepper minded person but then turned into a fantasy for a sexually deprived person. I hope you washed your hands after you wrote it.................Donald:mad:
     
  4. Asatrur

    Asatrur Well-Known Member

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    I concur, it was great seeing some of the standard beliefs being challenged in your story.
     
  5. CulexPipiens

    CulexPipiens Still waiting for the zombies.

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    Definitely a different read than most of the other SHTF stories out there. Overall I liked it but I'd also have to concur with the previous comments so far.

    Without trying to give anything away here are a few of my random thoughts. The pictures were a nice touch at the beginning, but then through out the rest I was looking for more as they really helped set the location. The end did seem to come on pretty abruptly. I was happy that it wasn't some rich dude throwing around millions and that you didn't spend 5 pages just discussing Barrett M82's and all the options available for them.

    A good read that you need to go into open minded AND to remember that these are fictional stories.:congrat: Just the fact that it doesn't read like most of the others is a plus in my opinion.
     
  6. NaeKid

    NaeKid YourAdministrator, eh?

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    I'll respond to some of the comments posted so far:

    TiredIron, thank you.

    Donald, what you see as a fantasy for a deprived person is reality for many people. Not every relationship is one guy and one gal having a family, with a very high divorce-rate many children have two sets of parents raising them (my grandson has a wonderful mother / step-father and has a "sperm-donor" for a father who didn't care to spend any time during my grandson's first year of life and has since decided that drugs and jail are more interesting than raising a family). With so many spouses cheating and making more babies through their trysts, there are lots of half-brothers/half-sisters. There are also couples that cannot have children due to medical issues and they will bring into their relationship a surrogate - if you read the bible, there is a story about a guy and gal who are getting quite old and God promises them a child. She tells her hubby to get her servant preggy so that they'll have a child.

    mn_Homesteader, thank you.

    CulexPipiens, thank you. While my story is fiction, many of the situations written in the story are reality, situations that I have seen first-hand (happened to myself), situations that happened to friends or situtions that I have read-about in the local newspapers. I had thought about putting more pictures in, but, I don't have any personal pictures that I can share of the bikes/vehicles or houses written about in the story and I will not put pictures in of my friends. The first picture on the title-page is of part of the trail-system in Waiparous and the second picture is of Margret Lake where the "first meeting" happened.

    Here are a couple of videos of things happening in Waiparous from years past:

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-483352437128778048

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7714400519716461165
     
  7. Tirediron

    Tirediron RockyMountainCanadian

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    It is funny how if something has been done one way long enough it becomes the right way. Polygamy if all partners are equal is a far healthier life for a child than the afore mention empregnate and escape program that so many people are on these days. And the multi partner synerio may be nessicary to repopulate the planet after SHTF, who knows ??

    Definately keep writing Naekid you do it well.:congrat:
     
  8. gypsysue

    gypsysue The wanderer

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    As my husband likes to say, the divorce-remarry-divorce-remarry cycle people go through in a lot of cases is nothing more than sequential polygamy, and it's hard on kids. What's so much more acceptable about marriages where one partner has someone on the side? An affair or a mistress? No one raises a big alarm over that! Not to mention all the casual sex that is not only accepted nowdays but seems to be expected.

    In my opinion, there can be good polygamy, when all involved are willing and loving partners and the children are raised in a loving, nurturing environment. It's not always about sex/lust.

    It takes a lot to write these stories, more than most people who've never written one would think. I enjoyed the story and thought the quality of the writing (plot, descriptions, dialogue, etc.) was good.

    Tolerance means to accept other's ideas without judgement or criticism, and a lot of us like to think we're toleran,t when we only feel that way when people think like we do, or within what we find acceptable.

    While I don't see myself being in the type of marrital situation in this story, I'm glad naekid wrote it and felt accepted enough on this forum to post the story.
     
  9. NaeKid

    NaeKid YourAdministrator, eh?

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    GS I think that is also called Serial Monogomy. I read a scifi story years ago (I think it was written by Isaac Asimov) where term-contract-marriages were described as a five-year contract, no-mess seperation if the partners choose or they can renew the contract for five more years. I think that it is an interesting concept - don't know if it would work for me ...
     
  10. *Andi

    *Andi Supporting Member

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    Well ... NaeKid

    All I can say is, I have chores to do! ;) Dang it! :D (which I was late getting to this morning!) :D

    Once I started reading, I could not stop.... Great story. :2thumb:
     
  11. Concretin

    Concretin Member

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    I liked it NaeKid. It is refreshing to read a story where the prepper isn't uber rich. As for polygamy, if it works for those in the marriage who am I to comment. Remember, critics are insufferable, even when they're right.
     
  12. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    Hey Kid!

    Glad to see you got it done bro since I've stopped taking all your time editing my stuff you have time !

    I had no problem with the Poly life style ! I've seen it work well and I've seen the standard marriage fail way to often... whatever works... I knew a man one time with 4 wives and 12 kids, fed em all, provided a home for each and loved them all and they were all happy... who's to say it's wrong?

    I did get lost in all the gear head stuff but I'm a gun head so each to his own..

    As for the Neg comments... screw em! if they don't like it don't read it.. it's like going to a strip club and *****ing about the naked ladies.. we all control our own space... I detest those who think their personal moral issues should control MY life...

    HB
     
  13. NaeKid

    NaeKid YourAdministrator, eh?

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    I think that it is funny that the focus of many comments is the poly-portion of the story - that wasn't supposed to be the main-focus, it was supposed to be an answer to three people's biggest problem - all three wanted children, one couldn't make them and one had troubles finding someone to make them with.

    I am totally surprised that I haven't had more comments about the accidents, the attempted theft of the BOV or even the final disaster in my story .... and how my main character had dealt with those issues. I tried to put some humour into the story with quotes from some of my favorite movies and was hoping that someone would reply that they laughed out loud at some of them, just as I was laughing as I was writing them in.
     
  14. Donald

    Donald Member

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    My reply...........

    Naekid.....1:You and the senior members state that ya'll don't want people trying to force control and their morales on you yet Isn't that what you are doing to me? 2:You ask for comments yet ya'll apparently do not want them unless they are flatteriing you. 3:Do all of you live in the same trailer park and is there not a Bible or a Church in there. 4. Remember, when civilization
    breaks down we still have our Christian obligations to each and to God.
    Donald...............
    P.S. forgive my cynacism but it comes to the front when you are ganged up on...............:gaah:
     
  15. Tirediron

    Tirediron RockyMountainCanadian

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    @ Donald I never meant my comments :"It is funny how if something has been done one way long enough it becomes the right way" to poke at you beliefs or to deminish you input what so ever.

    @Naekid I expect humourous things from a man who welds with no clothes on.
     
  16. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    Well Donald I'll be the bad guy here... you have 8 posts so you ain't been here long nuff to really have an understanding of the folks in here.. somaybe I can help..probably not but I'll try...

    # 1.... nobody is trying to control anything about you.. see Donald nobody knocked on your door and begged you to join this forum...your surely welcome !! but you came of your own "free will" don't like the channel? change it...

    # 2... I told NK what I thought, wasn't flattering him a bit... and as for his writing , how in the hell can I complain about his when I write and say what I want and he don't try to push his moral beliefs on me..

    #3... Uh, was the trailer park a slam ?... if one lives in a trailer park does that mean they are beneath you? Does having a church in ones trailer park make one a better person ? or a bible?....

    In my experience most people who would make that comment should remember the part about casting the first stone.... think? I could go off on your "implied" moral superiority but I think I'll let "Him" be the judge of it.. as for me I don't care.

    I like almost everybody in here have some form of belief in a Godly being... I enjoy sitting in the sun, on a nice boulder listening to the birds and yes even the bees... knowing there is some design by a high power then I to all this.. that's good nuff for me... and ya know it must be for God too coz a lot of the time he sits on that rock with me...

    I don't care if you or anybody else for that matter wants to get nekid, slather their bodies with veggie oil and roll in cracker crumbs and pray to the "Great Shake and bake God "don't care and sure as hell don't wanna watch it.. do what ya want when ya want and enjoy it as you want...just don't preach it in here..

    #4......Donald I admire your feelings on what you believe after the fall... and I think it's your right to feel that way...I believe it will get you "un-done " in the end... as well as those who count on you to protect them... and yes there will be a better place after....but think about your wife...daughters... maybe their better life won't come as fast as yours.. think Godly thoughts but keep your rifle loaded Donald... your first duty comes to your family.. don't get them killed trying to be a Saint...

    Sorry Donald as a rule I don't "preach" to folks who make a point of comments like yours, but I felt you were out of line and needed to be told so...gently.... you are welcome here, and we all hope you learn from the things you read here... add to it where you can... but leave the preaching in the church...

    One last thing..IF your really a prepper... and a christian, would you send me a map of your stash of goods, coz when you Rapture, I'm gonna need em!!.. :D ...not coz I ain't a Christian, but coz I ain't going.. I figger those who remain behind get to kill bad guys for God and that's a win win...

    Have a good hereafter !!

    OH I would sign off as a Heathen but then the Heathens will come out and beat me up... since yea we do have some of them.. and some Fairy's.. and I think a troll or two...as I said we all gotz our Godly figures we count on...[
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2011
  17. Asatrur

    Asatrur Well-Known Member

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    Oh, I won't beat you up for calling yourself a Heathen, since I know you do not mean it in a negative way any longer. Oh, and Donald, please let us know the that location, so HB, myself and other can split it once you are gone!
     
  18. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    Hay!!! I saw him first!! don't horn in on my gig!!...&%*))&$ damn heathens...!! :mad:...find yer own mark....er uh... ahh chit!...fine we can split the loot..but you Heathens best show up when it's shooting time.... AND! while we are at it..I don't mind the dancing nekid under the full moon but
    knock off the steel drums!!! and leave the Trolls out of it..!
    Damn hood is going to....? hell ??....Heck?....
     
  19. Asatrur

    Asatrur Well-Known Member

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    Remember, my type of Heathen meaning Asatru came from viking heritage, so the violence will not be an issue!:D
     
  20. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    Well.... bring a gun..not an AX....
    and again...no Trolls.. leave the Fairy's at home too... silly pointy toed shoes...