Star Fall

Discussion in 'Fiction & Non-Fiction Stories' started by HozayBuck, Nov 17, 2010.

  1. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    My newest story Star Fall is in the process of being shredded by NK...:D but should be along shortly...

    My main reason for this intro is to say that it has some real every day language in it.. I know some of you never hear this stuff.. I was issued most of these words in Boot camp..

    It's not my usual story but I really like it and plan to introduce "Addendum's" to it, It just got finished before I was really ready so I'm going write some fun stuff... lots of shooting and chasing and stuff...

    I hope yawl like it and truly enjoy it, the premise is one I've thought about a long time and never got to it so I did the first few pages in my mind while driving back and forth across the country..

    Hozay Buck
     
  2. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    Too those who have asked in PM's.. NK has it, he's probably wasting editing time working for a living!... jeeeeze some people put their living ahead of my entertainment..
    :D:2thumb::beercheer:.. go NK!!
     

  3. NaeKid

    NaeKid YourAdministrator, eh?

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    Ya ya ya ... I am still finishing off "Republic" first .. got another page done today during my breaks. The job that pays my bills is keeping me quite busy, but, I am making progress.
     
  4. UncleJoe

    UncleJoe Well-Known Member

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    Shucks. :( Here I thought it was posted.
     
  5. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    Star Fall...for real this time!!

    A word of caution here this story is one I had thought about for a long time at least the plot ... As with anything I write I have no idea where it will go or become.. I'm not a writer , more of a story teller.. I don't use chapters etc.. I think NK may put them in ,but I don't..

    Now... BE AWARE!!! this story has a lot of "MARINE" language in it , if that bothers you then don't read it... you've been warned.... it's no where near as bad as a R rated movie but more then some of you may be used to...

    I ended this story before I intended to.. so I went back with plans to add to it..but I like it as it is... so, my plan is to write some additional parts sort of like a journal where things were added later...

    GypsySue is posting it for me coz I'm too dumb to figger it out... I hope yawl like it, if not tuff chit!! lol :D:D

    To NK thank you sir for your help..and please never let your kindness interfere with your job or your family time... baring that, get off your *** and get moving!!! :2thumb:
     
  6. gypsysue

    gypsysue The wanderer

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    Here's Hozay's story! Enjoy!
     

    Attached Files:

  7. semperscott

    semperscott Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Gypsysue!

    Looking forward to reading it HozayBuck, being a Marine myself.
     
  8. UncleJoe

    UncleJoe Well-Known Member

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    Too long to start tonight. :( Guess it'll have to wait till tomorrow.
     
  9. Shakkie

    Shakkie New Member

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    Great story Thanks
     
  10. Tirediron

    Tirediron RockyMountainCanadian

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    Hozay Buck you are one amazing story teller, Great tale
    Little constructive note, the names seem to get mixed up in places,(Tinker??)
    but a very good read :beercheer:
    (I know it is a raw edit)
     
  11. WiseTioga

    WiseTioga Newbie

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    Read your new story with a good deal of interest. Understand that it was a "Rough Draft". I liked it and enjoyed reading it, however, in all honesty I was somewhat dissappointed in your characters. At lease four [4] of them were very easily seen as just different names for prime characters in your other two stories. That's O.K. I guess, however, was looking for more from you. Guess I will have to wait on the final rewrite.

    Best Wishes,
    Jon (aka Wise Tioga)
     
  12. UncleJoe

    UncleJoe Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the great story Hozay! :beercheer:
     
  13. Ezmerelda

    Ezmerelda Well-Known Member

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    Hoorah! I liked the story very much! Changing from third person to first person and back again kinda slows the story down, something to consider for the final draft.

    Thanks for writing! :melikey:
     
  14. Reblazed

    Reblazed Member

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    This is the first story posted here that I've read ... thoroughly enjoyed it. Thanks. Please consider telling a sequel from the standpoint of an extended family of "newcomers" and how they deal with the town and vice versa.

    Gotta check out some others now.
     
  15. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Tired
    I went thru that thing I'll bet a dozen times looking for that name change.. I changed it in about the middle and I swear I had em all.. and the lovely GypsySusan read it and i asked her to look for those problems and she did too.. NK got rushed by me to post it because I thought it was ok..lol..guess not!

    As for the bouncing back and forth with the first person thing , If I knew what I was doing it would help! but I truly have no idea where one of my story's is going who's in it or why...
    I'd like to say I'll do better in the future but I doubt that will happen...

    Glad you liked it!
     
  16. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    I agree about my characters , and ya know, I've read every book Louis L'Amour ever wrote and loved them, but my main problem with his style was after having read four of his books you could say your had read them all.. but I loved them anyway..

    I'm sorry you were disappointed but I doubt it will change much, I guess I have ingrained in my head the kind of people I like and their abilities and other then making one short and fat or the women ugly lol...I can't see where to change them.. in life unless there was a problem at birth we all have 2 arms legs and hopefully a head with a brain in it.. we mostly walk up right .

    Every few years I stumble over my Platoon book from boot camp and it never fails to amaze me that by the end of that 3 month period other then skin color and height we all looked alike..same dead eyed stare, no smile , I guess they wanted to train emotion out of us.. it worked... my first job in Law Enforcement my Chief told me to smile or I'd scare the hell out of people, I was kinda hurt because I thought I was smiling.. I actually tried standing in front of a mirror and smiling ..

    Anyway, glad you enjoyed the parts you did...and don't think bad of me if my style don't change..
     
  17. WiseTioga

    WiseTioga Newbie

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    Hozay;
    I was and am a Louis L'Amour fan also and I do have to agree with your thoughts on his books. And yes you are the author and no matter what your readers say, you will write the way you feel and that's not all bad by a long shot. I just personaly feel that unless you're writing a series the characters should be somewhat different. Doesn't make your story bad, it just doesn't sit quite as well with me. I do look forward to the final, finished draft and to your future writings. Best Wishes. Jon (aka: Wise Tioga)
     
  18. Donald

    Donald Member

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    about starfall

    HozayBuck.......it is a good read but too politically correct......haviing a white, a black and a Indian working together.......numerically that is not likely.
    Got the feeling you were overly concerned about offending someone. Donald
     
  19. wildone_uk

    wildone_uk Active Member

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    i have never read so much drivel in one sitting befor, lol, more please
     
  20. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    DUDE!!! if you knew me you'd never say I was PC !! I'm so far from that it's out of sight, I think PC is the ruin of America....

    Now as to having diverse folks in the read... come on. now.. why should it be a bunch of white guys..? I served in the Marines with Blacks, Asians , Indians , you name it we had it...

    Like the big F'n deal about gays in the military.. I could give a **** less, if he made it thru boot camp he earned the same right to be called Marine that I did... and if my *** was laying out there and I needed help would I refuse to be carried to safety by a Gay ??? hell no.. !!!

    In a story like mine I think the different races working together in a SHTF would be the way it would go.. if you have my six , I could care less what color your skin is.. Black Marines bleed red.. wow..just like me!! who woulda thunk?...

    It's just a story folks... write your own!!... I wrote this one in my head while driving round trip from Mt to TX and back...

    I like it!!...

    Wait till you get a chance to read "The Free Republic of Texas"... then your really gonna howl!!.. the beauty of writing is you can make **** up.. hell folks can fly if you want them to...

    I'm sure it's been noticed that in two of my reads the dog was named ...dog... why? coz I wanted to call him Dog...

    I used to call my horse... ready?..." Horse ".. he didn't give a **** as long as his grain arrived on time and in the proper quantity.. naming critters is something we do for us ,they don't care.. I had a coon hound that answered
    to" Sonofabitch".. :D

    I write for me.. I only post because a few folks asked me too... read it or not.. I care not.. and I doubt I'll change my style...plus WTF your not paying 10 bucks for a book... it's free!!...

    Please note... I was smiling thru this entire post... really..

    I forgot to mention that Donald forgot to mention there was an old white guy, a hot babe, an Asian and a skinny white boy...! now that's PC !!........
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2010