Read this if you ever sent and informative email

Discussion in 'General Chit-Chat' started by truthfulwon, Apr 5, 2010.

  1. truthfulwon

    truthfulwon Junior Member

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    Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

    I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

    Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans Fats I have consumed over the years.

    I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

    Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five min utes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. .

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my rear.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

    Have a wonderful day....

    Oh, by the way.....

    A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
     
  2. mosquitomountainman

    mosquitomountainman I invented the internet. :rofl:

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    Got me!:eek::D
     

  3. kyfarmer

    kyfarmer Well-Known Member

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  4. HozayBuck

    HozayBuck Well-Known Member

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    No comment..not one....:ignore:
     
  5. nhfieldrep

    nhfieldrep Proud Americian!

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    Ahhhh sheeeeet! :surrender: I give up...ya got me 2.
     
  6. UncleJoe

    UncleJoe Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, but it sure breaks up all the rotten news we deal with everyday. :D
     
  7. ditzyjan56

    ditzyjan56 Well-Known Member

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    :surrender:your good very good,
     
  8. kogneto

    kogneto The Skeptic

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    well i hope this wasn't a forwarded email you just posted ;)
     
  9. HarleyRider

    HarleyRider Comic Relief Member

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    Be of good cheer! The Nigerian who inherited a gazillion dollars will be sending you some real soon if you follow the instructions carefully......

    :eek: :surrender: :hmmm:
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2010
  10. software

    software New Member

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    Haha nice one good sir :D
     
  11. TechAdmin

    TechAdmin Administrator Staff Member

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    I think I have received every single last one of those. I still check the toilet every time.
     
  12. Tex

    Tex Pincushion

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    Real Men of Genius. "Mr. informative email sender"
     
  13. Jason

    Jason I am a little teapot

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    Got me, too. :)
     
  14. Bidadisndat

    Bidadisndat Newcomer

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    But, but, but, doesn't the computer stop working and you lose everything if you take your hand off the mouse?
    :D