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a dude
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
A few nice skills to have include learning to maintain your personal space and positioning.

Personal space and physical contact is a bubble that is yours, it's intrusive if someone gets too close. Some people have no sense of personal space and they might intrude on yours, others have a great sense of personal space, even an expansive one. If you're good at maintaining this 'bubble', you'll find many places in urban areas uncomfortable, especially elevators and clubs. Personal space includes protecting from unwanted physical contact.

Personal space and physical contact intrusions are warnings.

Some folks are friendly, some are predatory. While you might learn to easily distinguish the two, it's better to simply adopt the rule that no stranger or no one not a close friend should ever touch you without your acceptance. For example, a man who places his hand on a woman's shoulder upon meeting in a public place, even if disguised as a compassionate gesture is an intrusion. This is often how a predator may 1. gauge acceptance, and 2. display a claim of ownership. This is a test. If a woman reacts strongly and negatively to unwanted touching, it can actually save her from problems. Offend the person into further acts? Hardly, if the person is inclined, he'd find another reason, you're already in trouble and by your awareness of a personal space intrusion, you've received a warning. A sophisticated predator can also see a response from a touch, including the dialation of the pupils, a parting of the lip, flush of color, and even nipple arousal which are encouragements to him, although they might be involuntary trained responses not geared toward the predator-say the woman's husband touches her the same way, and that involunary reaction is toward him, not the predator.

Don't worry about offending a person by obviously re establishing your personal space, the more offended a person is, the more predatory they are, and you just frustrated him and gave yourself a huge warning sign...that person has nothing worth being around!

As a male, no male touches me except in a hand shake, so even a friendly slap on the shoulder receives a look, which conveys, don't do that.

In turn, we can use contact and personal space as tests. One of the funniest checks is with sales people who invade your personal space and have no problem doing it, move back in on them. It sometimes unnerves them, but some have no concept of personal space and that becomes awkward and funny to watch.

Now a familiar waitress might develop less and less personal space, I don't mind a lovely Applebee's waitress putting a familiar hand on my shoulder and even letting her hand linger while taking my order, but I doubt she'd be as comfortable during our meeting in Safeway if I did the same.

Ironically, some of the most vulnerable people who might be targeted, are often the people with the poorest sense of personal space.


For many wary armed males, again, an example of the least vulnerable taking the best percautions, putting a back to the wall, facing the entrance is standard positioning. Other forms of good positioning are facing a friend, talking to him and watching each other's back, or side by side, back to the wall, facing out. For those wary and even for predators, good positioning when with others include being near but not in the fatal funnel of doorways, staying way from corners unless facing out and armed with a firearm, or cornering another, keeping distance when your back is to the wall and closing in on others when they're back is to the wall (takes only a hand to the forehead to put someone's back of their head into the wall.)

When with others, facing possible threat (or prey) spreading out a bit and taking positions that make comprehensive attack difficult or getting better angles of attack (flanks) should come natural.

If you're defensive, you want more space so you have time to react, or even flee, if offensive, you want to be close so they can't react or flee.
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