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Not sure if this is the right place but I'm looking for serious comments.

At what point do you believe your children are adults?

Here in Australia they have all the rights of an adult at 18. As a parent I think this means that they should know how to be an adult at that age, accept the responsibilities and challenges. I'm finding more and more that parents think 18 is the age they can START teaching their children to be an adult. Am I missing something here?
 

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Both of our daughters were self sufficient at 18. We pay for their college expenses (not housing, food, etc). We've always told our girls they could live at home as long as they were in school full time (in a degree plan we approved of) & maintaining at least a 3.0. We taught our kids how to work, how to run their life, & how to make good decisions. Most 18 year olds are lazy, have never been taught to run a household, & haven't been allowed to suffer the consequences of bad decisions. There's a lot of lazy & selfish parenting nowadays & this is the result.
 

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I was an "adult" when I was 14 ... earning money, cooking and cleaning the household and by the time I was 15, I was living away from my parents. My parents made sure that I was doing alright, but, I was no longer full-time under their roof. I would return for visits when I was still in my teens (well, I still do many years later) and they would make sure that I had the necessities of life and guidance as required.

I have a cousin who is in his thirties and he just got married (first time) and he moved his new wife into his parent's house because he "isn't ready" to be on his own, yet! :eyebulge:

So, as Aaliyah said ... Age Ain't Nothing But A Number ...


Some are grownup early ... and some never grow up ...
 

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It is in how you are raised. I was getting myself on and off the bus and to school when I was 11. My mother passed, my siblings are older and my dad had to work. When things needed done, we did them. Didn't needed to be asked or get paid for a chore. We had respect and knew we better do it or else. My daughter was 15 and kept talking about driving, etc. sorry, no handouts here. Get a job and start saving. By George, she did. She worked at Mc Donald's and had a used truck before she turned 16. Had to pay for her own insurance, just couldn't afford to help her. And I am thankful I didn't. Would tell her I was her parent, not her bff. Now we are very close. I know parents that have kids 16 and won't let them by themselves. They are involved in girlfriends, who they are texting, etc. I would love to scream, let them be a kid so they can become an adult. They have to make mistakes and learn from them without someone always there to bail them out.
 

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There is a place in Hell for me...the THRONE.
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Some parents never teach their children to be adults. The only way some of these kids are able to go out and be productive independent adults is when someone else steps in.

If a family friend had never pointed out to K he was making good money at his job (non union demolition job) and that he was in his early 20s K might have still been living at home like his brother. (What opened K's eyes was when the friend pointed out he could get his own apartment and not have to share a bedroom with his 18 year old brother anymore.) K's brother was still living in their dad's house even after he had died and the house was in foreclosure. You can't beat "free" rent...!

My parents tried to give me the tools from a young age to take care of myself without stripping my childhood from me. Lots of camping trips and part time jobs as a kid. Plus letting me buy my own car ('74 Ghia).
 

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You do know that up until the 20 century, it is very common for most people to live in a close family unit? Like, it is a very recent thing for that to be the social norm.
Ya ... but they contributed to the family unit ... they were not leeches ...
 

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I invented the internet. :rofl:
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Ya ... but they contributed to the family unit ... they were not leeches ...
The leech part is a modern innovation. Historically the live-at-home adults contributed to the productivity of the family farm and provided for their parents as they aged. Now there seems to be some sort of mentality that the parents (and society) owe them. Our "anything goes" society has managed to stomp out judgmentalism. Now there's no shame in anything ... not even in being a human leech.
 

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Don't forget the "you can't work until you are 18" bit. Also, if you are caught living away from your parents before you turn 18, you all go to jail. Got to stay updated. Think of that new age "teen rebellion" ******** through that viewpoint. Sometimes, we really are in a bad situation we can't leave.
 

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I invented the internet. :rofl:
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Don't forget the "you can't work until you are 18" bit. Also, if you are caught living away from your parents before you turn 18, you all go to jail. Got to stay updated. Think of that new age "teen rebellion" ******** through that viewpoint. Sometimes, we really are in a bad situation we can't leave.
You can work prior to being 18 but there aren't as many possibilities as there once was. I was "working" long before I was 18 doing all sorts of odd job. My MIL who recently went to a nursing home tried for years to get neighborhood kids to mow her lawn and they all refused. I know one guy who tried to hire local teenage boys to help build his log cabin. None would do it. He finally found two teenage girls who weren't afraid of hard work and getting their hands dirty. It was all "under the table" wages back then and now but that didn't stop people from doing it and it sure didn't stop kids like me from doing those odd jobs. Those were in addition to the standard jobs like throwing newspapers.
 

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Cowboy
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...At what point do you believe your children are adults?...
When they started giving me advise and they were right! :eek:

Our children started working before they got their Driver's licenses. How else were they going to pay for their car, maintenance and gasoline?

They asked me how long the could live with us after they graduated from High School. My reply was, "As long as they wanted BUT rent was going to go up every year". What I didn't tell them was I was going to save the rent and return it to them when they married or special occasion. They both moved out the summer after their high school graduations.
 

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RockyMountainCanadian
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Children need to experience that their actions cause reactions, ie if they won't keep their hands off the stove, they will get burned, instead people remove the stove or build a fence around it. while kids may not have the best judgement yet, they need to realize that they are accountable for their own actions and that sometimes their actions effect those around them. When kids play it is usually some form of mimicked adult life.
Some kids mature quicker than others, The "need" to move out on their own is a very individual thing, being a parasite is usually learned as a child, being a contributor is usually also learned as a child. School for darn sure won't teach them how to become an adult, parents and extended family have to.
 

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Not sure if this is the right place but I'm looking for serious comments.

At what point do you believe your children are adults?

Here in Australia they have all the rights of an adult at 18. As a parent I think this means that they should know how to be an adult at that age, accept the responsibilities and challenges. I'm finding more and more that parents think 18 is the age they can START teaching their children to be an adult. Am I missing something here?
It's really bad in America. I was in a grocery store this week. The woman ahead of me asked the clerk if personnel had seen her son's job application yet. Companies have to deal with parents calling them to ask why their son or daughter hasn't had a raise yet.
 

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It's really bad in America. I was in a grocery store this week. The woman ahead of me asked the clerk if personnel had seen her son's job application yet. Companies have to deal with parents calling them to ask why their son or daughter hasn't had a raise yet.
Oh Lord! Cut the umbilical cord already! My kids would've died from embarrassment if I did anything close to that.
 

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We raise our children as adults the second the leave the infant phase. We talk to them rationally and with reason, we provide opportunities for responsibility and accountability, we teach them that choices have ramifications (good, bad and otherwise), we teach them morales/values/beliefs, we teach them independence and self sufficiency and we role model every expectation we place upon them. Each child is unique, but most of our kids were, are or will be self sufficient in their very early teens. That is not to say I take credit for how my children are, because I do not. Their successes and their failures are their own. My wife and I merely provide framework, resources and guidance. I think the real question that needs to be asked "at what point will a child reach maturity under a given set of genetics, parenting styles and within a specific home environment". Many teens, 20-something, 30-somethings, etc. are walking around this world still waiting to grow up. Some middle-schooler's are already fully mature. This is why I don't necessarily agree with age requirements to drive, vote, drink alcohol, etc.
 

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It's hard to teach kids today, not because they don't want to learn, but because of their friends who's parents have given them everything they want, to be "good parents".

Believe me, I've caught much grief from both my wife and daughter over the years, because I was raised that nothing is owed to you, and that hard work is what gets you ahead in life.

The payoff finally came when my daughter went to college, and after letting her grades drop where she lost a couple of scholarships, we told her that it was no longer a free ride, and that a fair amount of her "expenses" were going to be her responsibility. After finding a job, and paying her way to some extent, she actually thanked us, for being so "hard" on her.

She now sees the value on not only our contribution to her success, but her's as well. She's now a young woman who has confidence in herself, understands the sacrifice that we make to keep her in college, but most importantly, she has become more independent and responsible, unlike many of her friends and classmates.

It does my heart good when I hear her complaining about how the other kids just don't get it!
 

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The fastest thing I've seen outside the military to mature a child is work. Ours learn to work with a good attitude at a young age & we keep teaching them as they grow. Both girls could run our entire house, bookkeeping, budgeting, bill paying & all, from about age 11-12. They could plan meals, shop for them, cook them, wash clothes, etc. & make a schedule from scratch to show when they'd get it all done. They learned carpentry skills in our cabinet shop starting at age 8 & they worked with us. When they were a little older, they found their own work outside the home taking care of other people's animals (reptiles, dogs), babysitting, lifeguarding, teaching swimming & academic classes to younger kids, doing yard work, painting rooms & murals, redoing furniture, etc most of that before the age of 15.

Our little guy just turned 3 years old & he works. He puts away the clean silverware & the plastic dishes, feeds & waters the dogs twice a day, helps put up groceries, washes fruits & veggies, picks up his toys & clothes, puts his dishes in the dishwasher, waters plants, picks up sticks & puts them in the burn pile, & is learning to fold washcloths. He works at the land too carrying stuff & fetching tools. He can even hook up his brother's breathing treatments. He basically does what we do all day because he's with us all day, not confined to a classroom cut off from the real world most of his waking hours.

When kids do real work that needs doing (not filling out workbook pages), it gives them a true sense of value that all the unearned praise, trophies, & toys could never do. Real life requires many different skills & you don't learn those skills by being allowed to sit on your butt while your parents or others do them.
 

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This is a really good post. We are expecting a little one this december and I am scared to death on raising a child. I was always raised like most of your kids. Responsible hard working, and aware consequences. At 13 I was making money, and working after school. Now at 26 our house is almost paid off. All the kids these days seem to be lazy, spoiled brats!
 

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This is a really good post. We are expecting a little one this december and I am scared to death on raising a child. I was always raised like most of your kids. Responsible hard working, and aware consequences. At 13 I was making money, and working after school. Now at 26 our house is almost paid off. All the kids these days seem to be lazy, spoiled brats!
Raising kids is awesome! Never a dull moment! Just remember you are there parent, not their friend. Your job is to make sure they know God, know you love them unconditionally, know how to love others, know true happiness is found in relationships not stuff, & know how to gladly take responsibility for themselves. Loving his/her mother is one of the best things you can do for your kid.
 
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