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Important New Gov't. Program's



Dear Citizens,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants &Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress..

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much S**T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of S**T they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough S**T, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the S**T you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
 

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Important New Gov't. Program's

Dear Citizens,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants &Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress..

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much S**T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of S**T they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough S**T, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the S**T you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Crap, after this I'm going to make a doctor, psychiatrist, oncologist, internists doctors appointments, maybe even see a priest, a Rabi, a monk and a guru:surrender:.

Thanks Joe:gaah:
 

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Woodchuck
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3,347 Posts
Thanks Joe for the heads-up!

I’m old enough to be RAPED now but don’t need to be SHAFTED or SCREWED. AIDS and HERPES, while not in my original retirement thinking, sound good now. Can I get HERPES and AIDS without being SHAFTED or SCREWED by the government at least once? I have received enough S**T at work to last me a lifetime so can save Uncle Obama some money there.
 

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Premium Member
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1,733 Posts
Thanks Joe for the heads-up!

I'm old enough to be RAPED now but don't need to be SHAFTED or SCREWED. AIDS and HERPES, while not in my original retirement thinking, sound good now. Can I get HERPES and AIDS without being SHAFTED or SCREWED by the government at least once? I have received enough S**T at work to last me a lifetime so can save Uncle Obama some money there.
Just remember it is spelled, Owe-bama now.:D
 

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I am a little teapot
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THAT will be printed and hung up at work!
 
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