Jokes

Discussion in 'General Chit-Chat' started by staypuff, Nov 14, 2008.

  1. staypuff

    staypuff Guest

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    Does anyone know any good jokes / homesteading jokes? Thx
     
  2. Ernie V

    Ernie V Guest

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    Interested to know some too. Could use a little humor around here!
     

  3. Big B

    Big B Well-Known Member

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    OK here goes.

    There was an old man and woman who had been married for over fifty years. Times were very tough and food was scarce.
    The old woman driven by hunger broke into the neighbors can goods cellar and stole a jar of canned peaches.
    She was caught and brought before the judge. After the trial was done, the judge showing pity on the old woman asked how many peaches were in the jar.
    The neighbor said five, your Honor.
    The judge said, I will give you one day for each peach, you will serve five days.
    From the back of the court room her husband shouted,
    Your Honor, she also stole a big can of peas.:D:D:D
     
  4. puppytree

    puppytree Guest

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    How do you dig a hole with a badger?
     
  5. wetbandit

    wetbandit Guest

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  6. Gordo

    Gordo Guest

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    Bury a cake under it...
     
  7. Big B

    Big B Well-Known Member

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    puppy
    ??????????????????????????????????
     
  8. bonanacrom

    bonanacrom Active Member

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    Proof of who is your best friend : Put your spouse and dog in the trunk of your car for one hour, then open the trunk and see who is really happy to see you.
     
  9. Big B

    Big B Well-Known Member

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    bonan
    Ha, my wife even laughed at that one......:D
     
  10. bonanacrom

    bonanacrom Active Member

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    The average women would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
     
  11. Avarice

    Avarice Guest

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    What really irritates a farmer?

    Treading on his corn!
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2008
  12. Big B

    Big B Well-Known Member

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    Man was in a car accident and hit his head on the windshield.
    Hours later the Dr. came out of surgery and informed the family that his brain was severely damaged and needed replacing.
    One of the family members asked how much for a new brain.
    The Dr. said $500 for a woman's brain and $5000 for a man's brain.
    They asked why the difference in price?
    Dr. said that the women's brains were used.:eek:
     
  13. O6nop

    O6nop Active Member

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    Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

    There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad through out the day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that mess?"

    I still don't know if she was joking...

    Note: This is a reprint, not my own experience! ;)
     
  14. Molon Labe

    Molon Labe Come And Get'em

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    Not really applicable to the OP question but it is my favorite joke.

    "A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face"
     
  15. Murrel-Maher

    Murrel-Maher Guest

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    HAHAHAHa! JEEZ! :D
     
  16. Homestead Gal

    Homestead Gal Proverbs31Woman

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    Ok, I'm gonna jump in with a veggie joke my 13 y.o. niece told me:

    Question: Why did the mother potato forbid her daughter from marrying the TV sports caster?

    Answer: Because he was just a commentator. :rolleyes:

    Yeah, I know, it's goofy...but cute!:p
     
  17. Homestead Gal

    Homestead Gal Proverbs31Woman

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    Chicken Farming

    A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He bought a nice, used chicken farm and moved in. As it turned out, his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens."

    The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the neighbor dropped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too well. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more." Another two weeks went by and the neighbor stopped by again. The new farmer said, "You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbor asked, "What went wrong?"
    The new farmer said, "Well, I’m not sure whether I’m planting them too deep or too close together."


     
  18. Homestead Gal

    Homestead Gal Proverbs31Woman

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    Makin' Bacon

    A farmer decides that his 3 sows should be bred, and contacts his buddy down the road, who owns 3 male pigs. They agree on a stud fee, and the farmer puts the sows in his pickup and brings them down the road to the males. He leaves them all day, and when he picks them up that night, asks the man how he can tell if it 'took' or not. The breeder replies that if, the next morning, the sows were grazing on grass, they were pregnant, but if they were rolling in the mud as usual, they probably weren't ...

    Comes the morn, the sows are rolling in the mud as usual, so the farmer puts them in the truck and brings them back for a second full day of frolic. This continues for a week, since each morning the sows are rolling in the mud.

    About the sixth day, the farmer wakes up and tells his wife, "I don't have the heart to look again. This is getting ridiculous, AND expensive. You check today." With that, the wife peeks out the bedroom window and starts to laugh.

    "What is it?" asks the farmer excitedly. "Are they grazing at last?"
    "Nope." says the wife. "Two of them are jumping up and down in the back of your truck, and the other one is honking the horn!"

    The Chicken Farmer and Makin' Bacon joke courtesy of www.cljones.com/jfarm Have a Happy New Year everyone!
     
  19. EvilTOJ

    EvilTOJ O_o

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    Knock knock
    WHo's there?
    I eat mop.
    I eat mop who?
    lol you eat your poo!


    Just say it aloud. It will make sense :D
     
  20. bonanacrom

    bonanacrom Active Member

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    It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times.