You're 20 so I'm guessing that you have your own place. Don't pick fights with Mom, it won't get you where you want to go. Just prep for one extra person. She took care of you for enough years. For kids or parents just put extra food and supplies away. Everyone else, too bad so sad, you can't prep for the whole world.
How do you deal with ignorant parents?
I'm having a big dilemma here that I have been trying to deal with and could use some advice. I'm 20 (Yeah I get it the young inexperienced guy..yada yada yada) and I have a very careing but also very very ignorant parent who cannot go one day without thinking everyone else causes her problems, all men are pricks and abusive and that when the SHTF cops and the government is going to save everyone. She doesn't trust me for some reason even though my whole life I have proven everyone wrong about what they think of me, I'm not super smart but when next to family members and the people that live in my area I stand out and I'm much more politically educated than them by far. I'm the only one in my area that I know of that has a prepper mindset, I know how to handload, Bushcraft, clean water (In more than 2 ways), how to decontaminate myself and others from radiation and many other things so even though I'm 20 I'm not a newbe since prepping is kinda what I do for fun. I'm going to be okay when SHTF (After I find some prepping friends) but the only thing I don't know what to do about is family and parents. :dunno:
I live in New York (Yes the communist state Lol) so even though most of my family voted for Trump and has a bit of sense they still have that built in sense of safety from government and they don't belive anything could happen on the real life scale I talk about. Sure some understand if the power went off in the winter we would be cold and all of that but as for anything that lasts more than a month they just can't think of it. My mom is in her 50s and besides being stubborn as a mule I don't know if she could handle travel in a SHTF situation even if she had to. I'm a big guy and I know it would be hard for me too but I'm going to just be able to sleep stuff off most of the time, I don't think she could do that since she deals with pain allot (She says she does at least, idk if it's exaggerated or not).
It might seem like a simple choice but since it's my mom it's not.
And for the people who say just talk to her about it, that doesn't work. It just turns into yelling and nothing gets done. So not an option, most preppers I think would understand that some people won't change until it happens.
I know that was long but any advice would help, thanks.
I live in New York (Yes the communist state Lol) so even though most of my family voted for Trump and has a bit of sense they still have that built in sense of safety from government and they don't belive anything could happen on the real life scale I talk about. Sure some understand if the power went off in the winter we would be cold and all of that but as for anything that lasts more than a month they just can't think of it. My mom is in her 50s and besides being stubborn as a mule I don't know if she could handle travel in a SHTF situation even if she had to. I'm a big guy and I know it would be hard for me too but I'm going to just be able to sleep stuff off most of the time, I don't think she could do that since she deals with pain allot (She says she does at least, idk if it's exaggerated or not).
It might seem like a simple choice but since it's my mom it's not.
And for the people who say just talk to her about it, that doesn't work. It just turns into yelling and nothing gets done. So not an option, most preppers I think would understand that some people won't change until it happens.
I know that was long but any advice would help, thanks.
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Yeah I will try that, more food and water preps is fine. I don't know about gear or anything though since that's pricey to get just for me.You're 20 so I'm guessing that you have your own place. Don't pick fights with Mom, it won't get you where you want to go. Just prep for one extra person. She took care of you for enough years. For kids or parents just put extra food and supplies away. Everyone else, too bad so sad, you can't prep for the whole world.
Well, get a job, stay out of debt, and don't argue with Mom. Increase your preps and skills. Maybe Mom would enjoy some prepping, like cooking from scratch, because you know, it's better for your health than all those preservatives. Getting in shape with you, and it might help her pain. Find ways to make it a positive instead of a lecture. No one liked to hear chicken little yell that the sky is gonna fall. It makes people feel better to think that nothing is going to happen. Work on you without lecturing, and things will come into place. Sounds like you've already warned her.
Don't fall into the shiney gadget trap, as you said they are expensive. Shelter, Fire, Food, and Water are the most important things in a survival situation, but beyond that Knowledge is what will save you. Knowing how to do things without the shiney dodads such as building a proper shelter, making a fire with out Matches, knowing how to find and use Edible and Medicinal Plants. One other thing that will help is to learn a Skill such as Blacksmithing, Wood working using old fashined Tools, or even advanced First Aid will go a long way towards ensuring you survival in a bad situation.
Rice is cheap and you can add anything to it, Like any safe to eat Creature for protein Fat Taste. Water Filtration. Preps don't have to cost too much. Good Knife Ax Hatchet Paracord. Things like that. Sounds like you have some things covered already. As for convincing Mom, SHTF should do that if she makes it. Hunger is a pretty good Foundation for Logic. So Id just back away from the Subject and like others have said "Prep for 2". You know her better than I do, but I feel I have to ask you to ask yourself, "Will I Die Because Of Her and Am I OK With That"? People Change when they cant live the way they are used to and Hope will be Hard to come by. You will Change, I will Change, She Will Change post SHTF. Everything will Change.
You need a camp stove or other way to cook but you don't need two stoves just because you are prepping for her also. The same is true with a Berkley or what ever water filter you choose. You need twice the water storage but the water can come out of the tap. Get the extra food, the rest will sort itself out.Yeah I will try that, more food and water preps is fine. I don't know about gear or anything though since that's pricey to get just for me.
Also, two is one and one is none. You will eventually double up on many things just to have a spare. In a pinch Mom can use your spares.
Forget about converting Mom, the harder you push the more she will dig her heals in.
Parents are funny.. especially when it comes to survival and hard times. They probably won't really respect your survival skills and wisdom until you have done what they have done survival wise. Which is basically have a kid and keep them alive for 20 some years and prep them to survive in the everyday world and give them the skills to continue surviving after they have passed.
Respect gets you respect, smarts can just piss other folks off ( eventually, if you really are smart or wise and they maybe try out some of your ideas, smart can sometimes get you respect)... especially when you don't respect the fact that they have brought a life into this world and kept it alive long enough for it to think it is so much smarter than they are.
Whether you know it or not, that is very hard and requires a whole lot of self sacrifice .. ever ask them how many times you almost died growing up? How many times they got you thru a 104+ fever or life threatening diarrhea? ( biggest killer of children) How many times they feared you were so sick or so injured that your continued existence was really in question? Or that you might not fully recover and have a life long disability? How many times their lives turned to crap and times were hard? How many times they weren't sure they would be able to, or couldn't see a clear path to giving you the start in life they hoped to give you? How many times they had to put aside their pride, maybe take some crap job, to make sure you had what your needed to be healthy and happy? How many second jobs? Sometimes just keeping the wheels on, a roof over your head, and three squares, and clothes nice enough your didn't get teased, in average times is tough. Odds are they had to make some heartbreaking choices and sacrifices to provide for you, odds are they had some rough patches in their marriage and had to swallow their pride and make it work to give you the best shot they could, not saying they did, just saying the odds are better than 50/50 they did. You have spent most of your life totally clueless, to more or less clueless, about adult concerns.. chances are they really didn't let a whole lot of bad times in many ways and manifestations ever touch you, and you never had to even notice.
You getting a handle on that reality would be a way to find a starting point to communicate how smart you are.. actually doing it would be impressive to most (grand)parents.
Respect gets you respect, smarts can just piss other folks off ( eventually, if you really are smart or wise and they maybe try out some of your ideas, smart can sometimes get you respect)... especially when you don't respect the fact that they have brought a life into this world and kept it alive long enough for it to think it is so much smarter than they are.
Whether you know it or not, that is very hard and requires a whole lot of self sacrifice .. ever ask them how many times you almost died growing up? How many times they got you thru a 104+ fever or life threatening diarrhea? ( biggest killer of children) How many times they feared you were so sick or so injured that your continued existence was really in question? Or that you might not fully recover and have a life long disability? How many times their lives turned to crap and times were hard? How many times they weren't sure they would be able to, or couldn't see a clear path to giving you the start in life they hoped to give you? How many times they had to put aside their pride, maybe take some crap job, to make sure you had what your needed to be healthy and happy? How many second jobs? Sometimes just keeping the wheels on, a roof over your head, and three squares, and clothes nice enough your didn't get teased, in average times is tough. Odds are they had to make some heartbreaking choices and sacrifices to provide for you, odds are they had some rough patches in their marriage and had to swallow their pride and make it work to give you the best shot they could, not saying they did, just saying the odds are better than 50/50 they did. You have spent most of your life totally clueless, to more or less clueless, about adult concerns.. chances are they really didn't let a whole lot of bad times in many ways and manifestations ever touch you, and you never had to even notice.
You getting a handle on that reality would be a way to find a starting point to communicate how smart you are.. actually doing it would be impressive to most (grand)parents.
Hey pal I know everything about what happened, I have talked to her many times about her past and I know how she was brought up. I also know how she was abused by my father, I know how I grew up without a father and had to learn on my own, I know how I was abused in school by school staff and had my head repeatedly slammed in the floor ever time I chose to stik up for someone or myself, I know how I was beat and thrown around by other kids in school my whole life, I know how I was send off 100+ miles away 3 times because when I turned 10 I started kicking the shit out of those same kids, I know how I died when I was born because my heart stopped and my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, I know how I fractured my neck on the way to school in a bus crash, I know how I have been pore my whole life and how for the past 5 years I live in a house without heat, an empty fridge 80% of the time and not many clothes without holes in them. I have been through wrose shit than she ever has and worse shit than most people ever will, I don't plan on getting anything from nobody. I know many more things that I care not to share on this public forum, so...do not ever..tell me I have lived my life clueless.Parents are funny.. especially when it comes to survival and hard times. They probably won't really respect your survival skills and wisdom until you have done what they have done survival wise. Which is basically have a kid and keep them alive for 20 some years and prep them to survive in the everyday world and give them the skills to continue surviving after they have passed.
Respect gets you respect, smarts can just piss other folks off ( eventually, if you really are smart or wise and they maybe try out some of your ideas, smart can sometimes get you respect)... especially when you don't respect the fact that they have brought a life into this world and kept it alive long enough for it to think it is so much smarter than they are.
Whether you know it or not, that is very hard and requires a whole lot of self sacrifice .. ever ask them how many times you almost died growing up? How many times they got you thru a 104+ fever or life threatening diarrhea? ( biggest killer of children) How many times they feared you were so sick or so injured that your continued existence was really in question? Or that you might not fully recover and have a life long disability? How many times their lives turned to crap and times were hard? How many times they weren't sure they would be able to, or couldn't see a clear path to giving you the start in life they hoped to give you? How many times they had to put aside their pride, maybe take some crap job, to make sure you had what your needed to be healthy and happy? How many second jobs? Sometimes just keeping the wheels on, a roof over your head, and three squares, and clothes nice enough your didn't get teased, in average times is tough. Odds are they had to make some heartbreaking choices and sacrifices to provide for you, odds are they had some rough patches in their marriage and had to swallow their pride and make it work to give you the best shot they could, not saying they did, just saying the odds are better than 50/50 they did. You have spent most of your life totally clueless, to more or less clueless, about adult concerns.. chances are they really didn't let a whole lot of bad times in many ways and manifestations ever touch you, and you never had to even notice.
You getting a handle on that reality would be a way to find a starting point to communicate how smart you are.. actually doing it would be impressive to most (grand)parents.
Yeah Lol I'm starting to see that, as for the preps I know I don't need two of everything. I was kinda talking about Armor and other things like that, food and water preps I will be okay with getting not really worried there.You need a camp stove or other way to cook but you don't need two stoves just because you are prepping for her also. The same is true with a Berkley or what ever water filter you choose. You need twice the water storage but the water can come out of the tap. Get the extra food, the rest will sort itself out.
Also, two is one and one is none. You will eventually double up on many things just to have a spare. In a pinch Mom can use your spares.
Forget about converting Mom, the harder you push the more she will dig her heals in.
Thanks I do plan on getting allot more rice, and a Berkey when I can.Rice is cheap and you can add anything to it, Like any safe to eat Creature for protein Fat Taste. Water Filtration. Preps don't have to cost too much. Good Knife Ax Hatchet Paracord. Things like that. Sounds like you have some things covered already. As for convincing Mom, SHTF should do that if she makes it. Hunger is a pretty good Foundation for Logic. So Id just back away from the Subject and like others have said "Prep for 2". You know her better than I do, but I feel I have to ask you to ask yourself, "Will I Die Because Of Her and Am I OK With That"? People Change when they cant live the way they are used to and Hope will be Hard to come by. You will Change, I will Change, She Will Change post SHTF. Everything will Change.
I don't really know how to make corrupt overpowering government sound positive or explaining things so they sound positive, it's like trying to squeeze water out of a stone since there really isn't anything positive about any type of SHTF. But yes I have warned her..many..many times, kinda done with that though. Just going to prep for two like everyone says and hush about it.Well, get a job, stay out of debt, and don't argue with Mom. Increase your preps and skills. Maybe Mom would enjoy some prepping, like cooking from scratch, because you know, it's better for your health than all those preservatives. Getting in shape with you, and it might help her pain. Find ways to make it a positive instead of a lecture. No one liked to hear chicken little yell that the sky is gonna fall. It makes people feel better to think that nothing is going to happen. Work on you without lecturing, and things will come into place. Sounds like you've already warned her.
My Bushcraft is okay so I know how to build a okay shelter without tools, I wouldn't use matches even if I had them (Fire steel is better tbh) there is the bow thing but I would just grab two rocks with enough Iron in them to spark, more practice is better though of course. Some plants I know about but still working on that, as for the advanced first aid I know how to take care of bullet wounds already and how to use a chest seal. So yeah more things to work on, there always will beDon't fall into the shiney gadget trap, as you said they are expensive. Shelter, Fire, Food, and Water are the most important things in a survival situation, but beyond that Knowledge is what will save you. Knowing how to do things without the shiney dodads such as building a proper shelter, making a fire with out Matches, knowing how to find and use Edible and Medicinal Plants. One other thing that will help is to learn a Skill such as Blacksmithing, Wood working using old fashined Tools, or even advanced First Aid will go a long way towards ensuring you survival in a bad situation.
Sorry we're getting of on the wrong foot here, and sorry you have had a hard life. But I think you are missing my point .. there is a difference between taking care of others and taking care of yourself. I'm not sure what you are asking, given your response. I see two possibilities based on your response and OP.Hey pal I know everything about what happened, I have talked to her many times about her past and I know how she was brought up. I also know how she was abused by my father, I know how I grew up without a father and had to learn on my own, I know how I was abused in school by school staff and had my head repeatedly slammed in the floor ever time I chose to stik up for someone or myself, I know how I was beat and thrown around by other kids in school my whole life, I know how I was send off 100+ miles away 3 times because when I turned 10 I started kicking the shit out of those same kids, I know how I died when I was born because my heart stopped and my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, I know how I fractured my neck on the way to school in a bus crash, I know how I have been pore my whole life and how for the past 5 years I live in a house without heat, an empty fridge 80% of the time and not many clothes without holes in them. I have been through wrose shit than she ever has and worse shit than most people ever will, I don't plan on getting anything from nobody. I know many more things that I care not to share on this public forum, so...do not ever..tell me I have lived my life clueless.
You say you eventually prove most people wrong about you, why are they so often wrong about you?
Anyway the two possibilities, maybe your mom has been let down too many times to trust promises by people close to her? and maybe you were a handful to raise and caused her problems she didn't need? Or to put it another way, the way your handled some situations growing up was not the way she wanted you to handle them and you chose, for your own good reasons, not to cooperate with her wishes.
Why do you need your mother's or your family's co-operation or consent for you to prep for them? Most preppers have at least a few skeptics that they include in the preps simply because they are family or friends? And do you routinely come across so harsh when somebody trying to help says something that you don't like? That could cause folks you are trying to help to turn away if they get that kind of response when they give their advice/ opinion of the subject to you or don't agree with your assessment of the situation.
Sounds like you had lot of responsibility put on you when you were very young.
Number one here; refrain from calling your parent or parents ignorant because in all actuality we are all ignorant in one subject or another; Second surviving a shtf situation requires respect amount the family or group and calling each others names is not going to make a bad situation any better; and Third you can start by buying supplies for more people in this case your parent/parents ,not overspending on advertise junk and learning as much as possible on emergency preps and basic food preparations and preservation ,that way you won`t be ignorant yourself.
I completely understand the type of mother you have because mine was the same. My mother hated men, she was a women's liber and I had to listen to her rants all my life about how women are superior to men in every way. Nothing bad that happened to her was ever her fault and in the 78 years she was alive she never once ever said that she was sorry or that she made a mistake. I'm the only male in my family and I became the butt of my mother's and sisters jokes (yes my mother instilled her beliefs into at least one of my sisters). When ever I was sick I was on my own (my mother was always too busy).
BTW I never had a father, he left after my mother kept getting pregnant by other men while he was in Korea.
Now to the important stuff.
Over the years she became very needy, she ended up marring 5 times for short periods until she found out they didn't have any money. So I became the default whenever she needed something. It got to the point that my mother was a part time job for me and when I started to refuse to help she would put a guilt trip on me. I had been married 20 years by this time and my main focus was my family. Eventually she went the worst way she could and tried to break my marriage up by having my former girlfriends at her house whenever I came over to work on something. This was just further proof that she though that all men could be manipulated and are weak willed.
I have always been a prepper even as a kid I would hide food under my bed because there was never any in the house. She even started to consider my prepping a mental illness and she sent me to a therapist. The therapist said I was one of the most mentally health people he as ever had in his office and told me not to come back. He did however gave me a warning that if I let my mother influence my life that I would suffer from depression and that I needed to cut ties to her. This was the best advice I ever got.
Here's the point of my post. Your mother will probably get worse as she ages. Be aware of this. At age 20 it may not be apparent to you yet.
The more I reflect on my upbringing the more I understand why I'am the way I am and why I'm a prepper
BTW I never had a father, he left after my mother kept getting pregnant by other men while he was in Korea.
Now to the important stuff.
Over the years she became very needy, she ended up marring 5 times for short periods until she found out they didn't have any money. So I became the default whenever she needed something. It got to the point that my mother was a part time job for me and when I started to refuse to help she would put a guilt trip on me. I had been married 20 years by this time and my main focus was my family. Eventually she went the worst way she could and tried to break my marriage up by having my former girlfriends at her house whenever I came over to work on something. This was just further proof that she though that all men could be manipulated and are weak willed.
I have always been a prepper even as a kid I would hide food under my bed because there was never any in the house. She even started to consider my prepping a mental illness and she sent me to a therapist. The therapist said I was one of the most mentally health people he as ever had in his office and told me not to come back. He did however gave me a warning that if I let my mother influence my life that I would suffer from depression and that I needed to cut ties to her. This was the best advice I ever got.
Here's the point of my post. Your mother will probably get worse as she ages. Be aware of this. At age 20 it may not be apparent to you yet.
The more I reflect on my upbringing the more I understand why I'am the way I am and why I'm a prepper
Unfortunately some people are toxic and will suck the life out of you. It would be better for you not to have anything to do with them unless they are family. Toxic family members send them a Christmas card once every year with no return address.I'm having a big dilemma here that I have been trying to deal with and could use some advice. ...very very ignorant parent who cannot go one day without thinking everyone else causes her problems, all men are pricks and abusive and that when the SHTF cops and the government is going to save everyone. She doesn't trust me for some reason....
N 9TH glad to have you join us, really glad you understand the need to be responsible for you self. You seem to have taken your time in the school of hard knocks and graduated with highest honors.
I have 3 sisters that all grew up with the same parents in pretty much the same circumstances but all three of them have very different ideas about prepping, the oldest one understands the need, and would if it didn't create clutter, having said that she is far more prepared and knowledgeable than 95% of the population. next one is hard core get your $hit together be ready for what ever. the youngest one is the blamer, never her fault. the 2 youngest are very close in age, a year apart in school, so I don't understand the difference in views.
I really don't know what to say about educating your mother, you probably can't, and you may have to consider your own well being, If for example you nurture a MAG, (never IMO try to verbally form one cause it will probably fail, you just need people that you have things and beliefs in common with and preferably have done business with)
People who don't believe in situational responsibility often thing that those that have things should always share with those who don't, In a SHTF situation those who prep, have skills and aren't afraid to work need to stay alive. you can't do that if someone "shared " your food to see you thru to the next harvest.
I have 3 sisters that all grew up with the same parents in pretty much the same circumstances but all three of them have very different ideas about prepping, the oldest one understands the need, and would if it didn't create clutter, having said that she is far more prepared and knowledgeable than 95% of the population. next one is hard core get your $hit together be ready for what ever. the youngest one is the blamer, never her fault. the 2 youngest are very close in age, a year apart in school, so I don't understand the difference in views.
I really don't know what to say about educating your mother, you probably can't, and you may have to consider your own well being, If for example you nurture a MAG, (never IMO try to verbally form one cause it will probably fail, you just need people that you have things and beliefs in common with and preferably have done business with)
People who don't believe in situational responsibility often thing that those that have things should always share with those who don't, In a SHTF situation those who prep, have skills and aren't afraid to work need to stay alive. you can't do that if someone "shared " your food to see you thru to the next harvest.
November:I know that was long but any advice would help, thanks.
As a mom myself, I can hear your frustration that your mom won't get on board with your prepping. I would suggest that you not try to convince her to prep. Rather, you continue your prepping and set a good example for her. Can she cook? Ask her to teach you, in case you have to cook from scratch during the next winter storm when the power goes out. Can she sew? Ask her to teach you so that you can make your clothes last longer and save money. Does she have other skills? Ask her to teach you - but not for some nebulous doomsday event - give real reasons about why you want to master those skills. After a while, she may see that prepping for possible disasters is a very responsible and adult thing to do, and she may get on board that way. You mentioned growing up poor - that is a great reason to want to have extras on hand. That is what got me started, only I didn't realize having extras on hand was "prepping". I went through a period when my kids were very young where we were very poor, and after I was able to break out of the cycle of poverty, I vowed my kids and I would never go hungry again. Of course, that was many years ago, and I prep now for additional reasons. I think you may have luck with your mom if you don't try to convince her to do something she may not yet understand or agree with, but rather bring her into your prep activities by learning from her - and eventually she may get curious enough to want to learn.
Is your mom a reader? There are a lot of fiction and non-fiction books that you could get her that have potential realistic scenarios that lead people to want to be prepared.
Good luck!
I'll speak to this from the position of role reversal: I'm the parent of adult children who don't really give a hoot about emergency preparedness.
As others have mentioned, you won't get anywhere by attempting to convert others. People who don't get it...just don't get it. Be respectful and keep the door open just in case Mom's perspective every changes.
In the meantime, as you build up your own preparations, be sure to add extra for Mom. And stand ready to help her if the day ever comes that she needs it.
As others have mentioned, you won't get anywhere by attempting to convert others. People who don't get it...just don't get it. Be respectful and keep the door open just in case Mom's perspective every changes.
In the meantime, as you build up your own preparations, be sure to add extra for Mom. And stand ready to help her if the day ever comes that she needs it.
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