Build me an Ark

Discussion in 'General Chit-Chat' started by UncleJoe, Jan 19, 2010.

  1. UncleJoe

    UncleJoe Well-Known Member

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    I saw this on another forum and thought I'd share it.



    The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark. "OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm your man."

    Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.

    "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.

    "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system.

    "My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board.

    "Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls.

    "Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind.

    "Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being. Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe!

    "Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years."

    With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.

    "No," said the Lord. "The government already has."
     
  2. Turtle

    Turtle Well-Known Member

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    HA! That's priceless. And unfortunately, all too true.
     

  3. sailaway

    sailaway Well-Known Member

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    But when Noah did build the Ark and started loading it with 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 lions, 2 turtles, 2 robbins, 2rabbits, 4 rabbits, 8 rabbits, 16 rabbits, 32 rabbits, HEY Somebody tell those rabbits to cut that out.:D


    .....and remember boysand girls, Noahs Ark was built by amitures, The Titanic was built by Professionals!:eek:
     
  4. bunkerbob

    bunkerbob Supporting Member

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    Hey Sailaway how are your Ark plans coming. Are you planning to start with 2 Sailaways, then 4, then 8....:woohoo:
     
  5. sailaway

    sailaway Well-Known Member

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    Well Bunkerbob, I've got problems, I will be 50 this year and my 2nd mate lets say is a little older. 8 years ago when she decided she wanted to be my galley wench I also took on her crew of 3 briney little tars. The Oldest one ran off with her med school study buddy and had a future midshipman (woman) for me. Needless to say my ship is now too small to accomadate the crew. I could use something with a few more seabirths, and my plundering days are pretty much over with.:gaah::D
     
  6. TechAdmin

    TechAdmin Administrator Staff Member

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    That's a shame. You should get a bigger boat!
     
  7. Expeditioner

    Expeditioner Well-Known Member

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    Aaaarrrrrrrr!!! One is never too old to plunder!!!!
     
  8. sailaway

    sailaway Well-Known Member

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    Aaaarrrrrr your right Expeditioner, and I also know it's easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission from the 1st mate! Aaaarrrr.
     
  9. TechAdmin

    TechAdmin Administrator Staff Member

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    This be the Truth. Aaaarrrrr.
     
  10. bunkerbob

    bunkerbob Supporting Member

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    Does anyone have a blueprint or plans for an Ark, I will be needing one here fairly soon, if it doesn't stop raining.:rolleyes:
     
  11. TechAdmin

    TechAdmin Administrator Staff Member

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    I do, just not the right one.
     
  12. NaeKid

    NaeKid YourAdministrator, eh?

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    I think that I might ... somewhere in Genesis if I remember correctly :scratch
     
  13. Expeditioner

    Expeditioner Well-Known Member

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    Arrrrrrrr......Aye Matey.......ROFLMAO........my 1st mate would mutiny.....would only plunder if I no longer had a 1st mate ;)
     
  14. UncleJoe

    UncleJoe Well-Known Member

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    :google: :)

    Oh, by the way Bob Sunny and 50* here the last couple days. I was out in a tee shirt. :wave:
     
  15. bunkerbob

    bunkerbob Supporting Member

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    Quote from Unclejoe,

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bunkerbob
    70's today, again, shucks! how I miss the snow and cold weather. But it is getting overcast though.


    "We don't like you anymore".
    __________________
    And to the republic for which it used to stand

    Hummmmm! Tit for Tat.
     
  16. sailaway

    sailaway Well-Known Member

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    Aaarrr.... How about a yellow submarine Bob.:D.....Aaarrrr....get back Jojo...the 60's are probably where you belong.....Aaaarrrrrrr!:D:ignore: Sail
     
  17. bunkerbob

    bunkerbob Supporting Member

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    Sailaway, how about one of these...
    Narco submarine - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    I wonder if our Govt will be auctioning off these like they do vehicles they confiscate from drug related raids.
     
  18. sailaway

    sailaway Well-Known Member

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    Bob, I'd love one of those! Way back in the early 80's I almost bought a Taylor Commercial Sabmarine. It was used in the Disney Movie the Boatnicks. (1960's film) It was a wet dry sub and a story in itself. A narco sub would be fun; 1. I be the only kid on my block who had one. 2. I would paint it to look like that Land Shark (candy gram):ignore: or paint it to look like LEMMY the Lake Erie Monster. 3. Then I would chase other boats around Lake Erie, especially Home Land Security Boats.:eek: What fun, 4. I would probably have a hard time getting the 1st. mate to participate though. Sail
     
  19. TechAdmin

    TechAdmin Administrator Staff Member

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    I'm terrified of water but I would buy one.