You are Unregistered, please register to use all of the features of Prepared Society!    
Prepper, Survival, Homesteading Forum > Off The Path > General Chit-Chat >

Joke Of The Day


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-05-2017, 02:08 PM   #2211
phideaux
PS_MODERATOR.png
 
phideaux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: , West Ky
Posts: 968
Liked 4003 Times on 866 Posts
Likes Given: 3016

phideaux is on a distinguished road
Default

I talked to a to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."



I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled...




Jim



__________________
Im a heterosexual, conservative, christian, pro-life, gun owner, ex military.
Anything else I can say to offend you ?
phideaux is offline  
7
People Like This 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-05-2017, 03:53 PM   #2212
phideaux
PS_MODERATOR.png
 
phideaux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: , West Ky
Posts: 968
Liked 4003 Times on 866 Posts
Likes Given: 3016

phideaux is on a distinguished road
Default

I am transfinancial.


Which means..... I am a rich man.... born into a poor man's body.

Help stop the hate by sending me money to resolve my financial identity disorder.

The pain is real.



Jim



__________________
Im a heterosexual, conservative, christian, pro-life, gun owner, ex military.
Anything else I can say to offend you ?
phideaux is offline  
7
People Like This 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-05-2017, 10:55 PM   #2213
Flight1630
Junior Member
 
Flight1630's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: , Ontario
Posts: 78
Liked 84 Times on 39 Posts
Likes Given: 2

Flight1630 is on a distinguished road
Default

Were do pencils go for a vacation?

Pennsylvania

__________________
Flight1630 is offline  
3
People Like This 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-06-2017, 02:12 PM   #2214
phideaux
PS_MODERATOR.png
 
phideaux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: , West Ky
Posts: 968
Liked 4003 Times on 866 Posts
Likes Given: 3016

phideaux is on a distinguished road
Default

silent fart.jpg



Jim
__________________
Im a heterosexual, conservative, christian, pro-life, gun owner, ex military.
Anything else I can say to offend you ?
phideaux is offline  
6
People Like This 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-10-2017, 11:53 PM   #2215
Woody
Woodchuck
PS_SUPPORTER.png
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Wake Forest, North Carolina
Posts: 3,200
Liked 3947 Times on 1590 Posts
Likes Given: 3767

Woody is on a distinguished road
Default

Not a joke, just a humorous story.

Back in the 70’s we had some pretty wild parties. I was a carpenter and had a black lab, “Sweetheart”, that I took everywhere with me. She was great on the jobsite, getting tools and bringing stuff to folks… She was a good girl, everyone knew her and loved to have her do things for them. Like find stuff or hand her things to bring to someone or other. She was always easy to pick out because every fall she would get a new, bright orange collar. No bandanas for my gal.

Anyway. We went to a lot of parties, picking and otherwise. Everyone brought their animals with them back then. There would be all manner of cats, dogs, goats, sheep… If they could fit in a vehicle they went with them.

We went to one Halloween party at an old church a couple lived in. I donned a sheet with two holes cut in it for eyes. Yeah, a creative ghost costume. I had my adult beverage under it and sipped discretely. If folks saw the jar, they would have known just who I was. I walked around for an hour or so just making ghost noises, no one had a clue who I was. Folks would try to guess but I never let on. All of a sudden, everyone was coming up and saying “Nice costume Woody!” I continued to just make noises and not let on it was me. After a bit, I asked a friend how the heck they knew it was me. He pointed down and to my side. I turned and looked... Someone had seen Sweetheart in the truck and let her out. She found me and was happily just following me around.

I believe that is the year she went as a skunk. I put a swath of spackling compound from the top of her head to the tip of her tail, like a skunk stripe. She got into her first skunk earlier that year so it seemed appropriate. She had the nickname “Stinky” after that. Luckily it didn’t rain that night or she would have smelled the part too.

__________________
Woody is offline  
6
People Like This 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-11-2017, 01:48 AM   #2216
Woody
Woodchuck
PS_SUPPORTER.png
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Wake Forest, North Carolina
Posts: 3,200
Liked 3947 Times on 1590 Posts
Likes Given: 3767

Woody is on a distinguished road
Default

I left out an important part! I did bring her there intending to let her out to visit and have fun. I left her in the truck so she wouldn't give me away! Anyone who saw her would know I was there and could have surmised whom I was. Without her inside, I was not there yet. Friends came by, saw her and being nice folks, let her out.

__________________
Woody is offline  
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-16-2017, 01:45 PM   #2217
ZoomZoom
Rookie Prepper
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 4,005
Liked 14758 Times on 2590 Posts
Likes Given: 2539

ZoomZoom is on a distinguished road
Default

A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde who waves at him and says hello.

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he asks, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped me with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?"

"No.........," she said, "I'm your son's math teacher."


__________________
ZoomZoom is offline  
6
People Like This 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2017, 03:51 AM   #2218
phideaux
PS_MODERATOR.png
 
phideaux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: , West Ky
Posts: 968
Liked 4003 Times on 866 Posts
Likes Given: 3016

phideaux is on a distinguished road
Default

Just recently went to my therapist. Turns out that I am an insomniac dyslexic agnostic.
Which is to say I lay awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog.






Jim




__________________
Im a heterosexual, conservative, christian, pro-life, gun owner, ex military.
Anything else I can say to offend you ?

phideaux is offline  
5
People Like This 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Reply


Tags
funny story, joke of the day

Quick Reply
Message:
Options
Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Joke of the day... bunkerbob General Chit-Chat 3 02-06-2010 04:57 AM
January 26 - Joke for today NaeKid General Chit-Chat 5 01-27-2010 03:31 PM
Unfortunately NOT a joke... The_Blob International Current News & Events 25 12-16-2009 02:52 PM